Donald Trump and the fielder’s choice

Video: Cody Bellinger hits into a fielder's choice in Game 3 the 2020 World Series.

How would Donald Trump react if he were the lead runner forced out in a fielder’s choice, I wondered. Badly, I concluded.

I can’t even escape from the drama of Trump while watching the World Series. Last night, Cody Bellinger of the Dodgers hit into a fielder’s choice and suddenly, my mind was spun toward Trump’s idiocy, his selfishness, his nonsensicalness and how those factors make him such an unnecessary and unnecessarily negative disruptive force in our lives.

Let me start at the beginning by explaining a fielder’s choice. As an example, in last night’s World Series game, the Dodgers designated hitter Will Smith reached first base on a walk. He was followed in the lineup by centerfielder Cody Bellinger, who hit a ground ball to the Rays second baseman Brandon Lowe, who threw it to his teammate, shortstop Willy Adames, who was on second base. Will Smith, who was running from first to second base, was out when Adames caught the ball and tagged the base. There wasn’t time for Adames to throw to first to get Bellinger out and complete the double play, so Bellinger was safe at first. Lowe could have thrown the ball to first to get Bellinger out but he made the “fielder’s choice” to get the lead runner, Smith, at second base, allowing Bellinger to reach first.

So let’s say instead that Donald Trump was playing baseball. (Trump did actually play baseball as a youth and he himself has said that he was extremely talented and could have gone pro. But other accounts differ.) Let’s say Trump was batting and reached first base. How did he reach first base? Well, it’s immaterial to this example, but just for the sake of giving a complete and accurate example, let’s say he was hit by a pitch. Further, let’s say Trump so alienated or offended the pitcher on the mound by the normal course of the odious things he was saying or doing that the pitcher just fired a fastball and drilled him in the ribs.

As Trump limps down the first, struggling to catch his breath, the pitcher shrugs at him as if to say, “Slipped out of my hand.”

The next batter after Trump hits a soft grounder to the second baseman, who throws it to the shortstop at second base, forcing Trump out easily. Meanwhile, the batter who hit the ball arrives safe at first.

How does Trump react?

He’s furious.

“How can I be out? It’s so unfair!” Trump yells at the umpire. “I didn’t hit that ball just now, he did!” Trump points at his teammate on first base, whose name is not important enough for him to remember. “He’s the loser that hit the weak ground ball, he’s the one who should be out, not me!”

Trump doesn’t leave the field. He’s first yelling at the umpire. Then he turns to his teammate. “I reached first base! I earned it! I was hit by a pitch and felt the pain very strongly! You just hit a ground ball so badly, so weakly that you should have been out. You should never have been allowed to bat!”

Trump still doesn’t leave the field. “I’m going to sue for my right to be on second base. This was a conspiracy! You conspired with the other team and arranged for them to field the ball to eliminate me! Some people would call that treason and we know what the punishment for treason is!”

Let me be clear: This is not something anyone would ever argue about. This is not an arguable call. When the runner is called out on a fielder’s choice, they pop up from their slide and turn around and head to the dugout. No one in their right mind would argue this call. But Trump picks ludicrous fights like this and he would feel aggrieved enough and shameless enough to fight.

Trump’s argument is off the wall and doesn’t make sense. Further, because he selfishly wants the glory for himself, he excoriates his own teammate. But most of all, he’s wasting our time by constantly complaining at how badly and unfairly he’s being treated when he himself is acting—or trying to act—outside the bounds of the rules and far outside the norms of decency.

This November, it’s an easy ground ball to the second baseman. Trump is running for second. Throw to the shortstop.

Make the fielder’s choice. Force him out.